spiredone

“Welcome to High-Risk”

I’m going to start with a spoiler: Everything is fine. Now, for the story. Friday I had been having some light cramping. Saturday it was a little more intense and a little more consistent. I’ve been checking my blood sugars six times a day. Before meals and an hour afterward. My numbers started to getContinue reading ““Welcome to High-Risk””

Heaven’s Reward Fallacy

Yesterday I blogged about being pregnant. I was excited and nervous, hoping I wouldn’t “jinx” it by doing so. I’ve had about 48 hours to sit with this new news. This wonderful, miraculous, terrifying news. I mentioned that I was aware of the health risks and I am… today it just seems overwhelming. I’m 40Continue reading “Heaven’s Reward Fallacy”

Twisted 2018

What a year 33 days make! Actually, the past 9 days have really been a trip… On Wednesday the 24th, I saw an OB/GYN about my fertility. She ordered a blood test to check my “egg reserve”. When it came back, I was devastated. She knew the number would be low because of my age…Continue reading “Twisted 2018”

A Rude Awakening

My eyes were opened… and not gently. No, I felt like Alex DeLarge at the end of “A Clockwork Orange”. Strapped into a chair with my eyelids pried open and kept that way. A lot of you know that I am in a therapy group. It is a trauma processing group and a lot ofContinue reading “A Rude Awakening”

Happy(?) Thanksgiving

It wasn’t a noise that woke me but the absence of sound. I fell asleep listening to Natalie’s YouTube videos, at my desk. My arms wrapped around this imitation Noah, this plastic, and cloth creation that I somehow thought would mimic the son I lost. His butt is sitting on the desk as I leaned myContinue reading “Happy(?) Thanksgiving”

Black & White

There is a challenge going around on Facebook. Seven Photos for seven days. Each day you post a black and white picture from your daily life, with no explanation. No kids, no pets. Today I was nominated to participate. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t just do it myself… I wanted to do it,Continue reading “Black & White”

Choices

Don’t deny your strength. You do have a choice and you continue to choose to be strong. Often times on social media I see things that say “People tell me ‘I can’t believe how strong you are… How do you do it’ and I say ‘I didn’t have a choice’”. Well, you do. Suicide isContinue reading “Choices”

Trees, Rain and Magic

There is a tree outside our house that can be seen from my bedroom window, the kitchen window and the deck. It is big, strong, healthy, beautiful tree and last week it started to don its fall attire. In one small section. Not even an eighth of its foliage had slipped into crimson colors. DandelionContinue reading “Trees, Rain and Magic”

Because I Don’t Feel Guilty Enough…

September is National Suicide Prevention and Awareness month. To honor the theme, I checked out the Netflix series exclusive: 13 Reasons Why. 13 Reasons Why starts with the voice of Hannah Baker, (Katherine Langford), detailing the 13 reasons (people) she has chosen to take her own life. This narrative takes place on 13 audio cassette tapesContinue reading “Because I Don’t Feel Guilty Enough…”

International Overdose Awareness Day

I thought I’d share the free write I did on Friday with my writing group. We started off by reading the obituary of Brian Doyle, writer and longtime contributor to The Sun magazine. If you’d like to read the beautiful tribute to Brian, click here. I felt some measure of pride hearing about how BrianContinue reading “International Overdose Awareness Day”