Here We Go Again

Today my moms Christmas card came in the mail, along with her annual poem. Every year I look forward to this special piece of mail and peace of mind. Except this year. As soon as I opened the folded paper and saw the title, I inhaled sharply and dropped it on the bed. I can’t do this right now, I thought.

Then Tayla came in the room and asked if she could read it. I said sure and I watched her mouth the words she read. Midway through she stops and says “good word. Grandma’s a really good poet”.

“Do you want me to read it to you?”

I though no but said yes.

“In Remembrance of Our Beloved Natalie

Seasons come and seasons go.

Through them all, this I know… without you they have lost their flare.

Enthusiasm no longer adds your touch to the fall leaves.

I grieve as I watch them fade.

Holiday preparations missing the lust for all the musts you insisted we do.

Family rituals are now fractured and have lost their potency.

Where are you mu daughter, my love, as you watch us from above?

Our family so missing your bolder than life magic.

Tragic memories fill this holiday season with attempts to fill places that you have left empty.

Where and how do we begin to partake in the parade of holiday toasts and cheer

when for us, the family and friends that love you so, it feels like a charade?

I am afraid for it’s only six months since you left us yet it feels like an eternity.

This Thanksgiving while we count our blessings, the greatest one will be all the laughter and uniquely Natalie antics that you brought to the table.

At Christmas while through sentimental tears I wrap the presents and remember how much YOU loved to give; I hope you hear us call your name and know that for us this holiday will never be the same.

All that we can do is look at you in a picture frame.

The greatest present we could have ever received would be your presence.

Perhaps in that world that we cannot see; you will pray with us.

And in our mutual praise of Christ’s birthday… in that sense… you will be.”


Every time I read it…

Back on August 31st, I went to an Overdose Awareness Vigil. People talked, shared their stories, provided education and at the end we all held lit candles and watched a slideshow of all the loved ones lost this year. Before the event, there was music and a playlist. It was an awesome list but it got deleted off of my phone. I’m trying to find it again and while searching the net for it, found a page “International Overdose Awareness Day”. The web address is: Overdose Day

While exploring the site, I was attracted to the tributes page. Some were short and sweet, others detailed and heartfelt. There were two stories/tributes that really struck me and I wanted to share them with you.

“To all those who walked the hard miles but did not make it. You’re never forgotten.”

The first story is about 26 year old Kyle Fisher-Hertz. It is the fourth story down on the Tributes page.

The second one is about Ryan Frye, his is the sixth story down.


In addition to Ryan’s story, there is a link to his mom’s blog and how she is grieving and going on living- without Ryan. I think it’s exceptional. I’ll post the link here: Ryan

There is also a poem written by his brother Joe, read it here: Broke the Mold

I wish there wasn’t so much heartbreak…


Published by spiredone

I am what a majority of the general population would call "crazy" and at this point in my life, I wear that label with love. I am a lifelong circus act. I'm focusing on balance while learning to juggle. I write about deeply overwhelming emotions like grief and I also go out and perform stand up comedy. I am a constant work in progress, as we all are. So, join me on my journey if you'd like but respect is a must. Otherwise I'll have my elephant crush you in the center ring, under the Big Top. :) Seriously, who needs that negative shit in their life? Namaste.

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