“Roses are red, violets are red, the garden is on fire and you’re in hell”, I don’t remember where I read that but it seems to fit how I’m feeling, so there.

Monday marked seven months since Natalie passed. Since Monday, the days have gotten progressively worse. The pain more acute. The joy more elusive… The memories, ever present and devoid of her presence.

Monday, Shar sent me this… poem? She wrote something, though she swears it was dictated to her by God or angels or Natalie… Whatever little resistance I had to crying was shattered.

“You and Natalie had all of her life and nearly all of yours together, over 30 years. You grew up in this world together, creating memories that built the world around you both. People say you need to move on and it tears you apart to think that you need to or should. I believe that when we “move on” from something, it means we are ready to move past it and why would you want or need to move past your sister? Instead of moving on, you just need to keep moving. She is still apart of your life and all around you. You can find her in your family, you can find her essence in the wall and the atmosphere of the places you spent time at with each other. Every morning you embrace her in your heart and again when you lay down at night. Move through life experiencing it with enough love and happiness for both of you, so when the day comes and it’s time to reunite with her in Heaven, you can share all of it with her so she can feel like she continued to live through your heart.”

*Not so quietly sobbing*

This pain, it feels like a venomous snake bite. The only one who can extract the poison is Father Time. Even after he’s absorbed what toxins he can, we both know he won’t get it all. It spreads too far, too fast. There will be days like today where I’ll wish the snake that bit me would just swallow me whole. Or that I would become ravished by a fever and a sickness, lose touch with reality.

(On a side note, I did some actual research for this post… out of the annual 7,000 venomous snake bite, only 6 have been fatal. Also, don’t try to suck the poison out or slash the would open to “bleed” it. It moves faster into the bloodstream than a Hoover can clean a carpet.)

*Fair Warning*Photos of Snakes Below*


This is a Western Diamondhead snake but I like to think of it as the Princess Leia snake.

yawning-snakeThis snake just looks like he’s yawning…

suprised-snakeAnd this one, she looks like she just got out of the shower and someone caught her in her towel!

ana-snakeThis guy looks like he gets picked on at the playground a lot… or even snakes are forced to conform to another impossible beauty standard for women.

Sorry, this post is kinda all over the place but that’s where I am!

Published by spiredone

I am what a majority of the general population would call "crazy" and at this point in my life, I wear that label with love. I am a lifelong circus act. I'm focusing on balance while learning to juggle. I write about deeply overwhelming emotions like grief and I also go out and perform stand up comedy. I am a constant work in progress, as we all are. So, join me on my journey if you'd like but respect is a must. Otherwise I'll have my elephant crush you in the center ring, under the Big Top. :) Seriously, who needs that negative shit in their life? Namaste.

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