The Proof

“You were dead…”

“Death can’t stop true love, all it can do is delay it for awhile”

“I shall never doubt again”

“There will never be a need”

These are some of my favorite lines from the movie “The Princess Bride” and they seem tailor made for this situation.

Over the weekend, I blogged about trying to decipher a message from Natalie that came via Shar’s YouTube account.

Short story long, we were directed to the song “Stay With Me” by Sam Smith. I considered it a dead end (no pun intended). That song was about a guy that sleeps around, isn’t it? I brushed the thought aside until it was time to post my update.

Shortly after I published the blog entry, my mom called. She had it all figured out, she said. I was at work so I didn’t get around to calling her until later that night.

“It’s actually a very pointed message. It’s a message for you, Mel.”

“ok…” I said cautiously

“I watched the video for Stay With Me and there is a lamp that is featured prominently.”

“Really?” I interjected.

“Yes. The video starts out with the guy (I assume she means Sam Smith) walking down the street, near a building that reminds me of LaSalle Plaza (which is where Natalie had been found). He’s passing a lot of homeless people.”

I think I started to feels the tears already by this point… Nat was very big on helping the homeless. I think it was several years in a row she bought out Target of all their hand warmers, you know the ones that go in your glove or boot, or in my case of extreme drowsiness- my bra- not recommended. Ouch. When the warm packs were gone, she’d hand out blankets, then whatever sweaters she might have in the trunk of her car… when that ran out, she gave out cigarettes. Hey, fire is fire and warm is warm, right?

“Then they flash back to him alone in a room, with a lamp. The lamp is prominently featured in this video.”

I had to remind myself to breathe. Seriously, what are the odds? *FYI, if you didn’t read the previous post, this probably sounds very strange… actually, it sounds strange anyway.

“He’s sitting in this room with this lamp and also a window. There is SO MUCH LIGHT Melanie. All over. Everywhere. She’s talking to you. Stay with me in the light.”

“Then it goes to a church and people are mourning, but in the light. He lost someone he loved and he’s trying to stay in the light.”

This sounds too crazy to be true and yet, I was believing it.

“Ok, so after that video, another one came on right after it. It’s called “Lay Me Down“. It starts with him at a candlelight vigil, standing and singing in front of a casket. The church, the isles are full. Packed. It goes through part of his story and comes full circle and now he’s the only one and he’s in the front row. You were in the front row, by yourself. She saw you that day in the church. She’s telling you she’s with you.”

Precede to full blown hysterics.

We talk about how she wants us to be happy and to remember the good times & tell her I DO think about the good times but then it spirals into sadness, knowing there won’t be anymore good time with her.

We talk a little while longer before she reminds me to watch both videos. “It’s in two parts… LIKE YOUR BLOG WAS IN TWO PARTS!”

I give myself some time to regain composure  before watching. I guess I’d cried myself out by that time because I didn’t feel much of anything.

Next day, yesterday, I was sitting at the table thinking “the lamp wasn’t that much apart of the video…” Was I expecting it to have a microphone and it’s own solo? I rolled my eyes in spite of myself and prayed. “Natalie, is this it? Is this the message you’ve been trying to get across? Is mom right? Please find a way to let me know?”

Maybe 10 minutes later, I’m going through my old notebooks. It’s a bigger undertaking than I’d anticipated and I’m moving much slower than I’d like but it’s in this notebook that I found, without context, I’d written the lyrics to Stay With Me. TWO YEARS AGO. I started to laugh & cry.

As miraculous as that seemed, I still thought it’s merely coincidence (even though I don’t believe in those… only when it applies to me and my bassackward logic).

I was meeting a friend for coffee at noon. I got in the car and any guesses as to what song came on?

Stay with Me? No, but that’d be epic, right? Nope, instead it was the song “Tonight, Tonight” by the Smashing Pumpkins. It doesn’t sound all that impressive until I tell you that I came in toward the end of the song, so all I heard was Billy Corgan screaming:

Believe in me!

Believe in me as I believe in you!

This is literally MINUTES after finding the lyrics to Stay With Me.

If you haven’t seen the video, it’s super cool. Check it out here: Tonight, Tonight

I’m not an expert in these things but I’ve heard if something is a sign from the other side, there will be three confirmations. I was at two.

All throughout my conversation and coffee I strained my ears to listen for anything I might be able to claim as my third confirmation or “evidence”. I’d about given up hope when as we were leaving, this song played over the Perkins sound system:

Like a Star by Corinne Bailey Rae. That was significant because it’s the song I associate with sounding like Natalie. In fact, I’d posted it about 3 hours earlier to her best friends timeline to see if she agreed…

Thanks, Nat. You went above and beyond. I love you so much and I will try to miss you less because I know you haven’t really left.



Published by spiredone

I am what a majority of the general population would call "crazy" and at this point in my life, I wear that label with love. I am a lifelong circus act. I'm focusing on balance while learning to juggle. I write about deeply overwhelming emotions like grief and I also go out and perform stand up comedy. I am a constant work in progress, as we all are. So, join me on my journey if you'd like but respect is a must. Otherwise I'll have my elephant crush you in the center ring, under the Big Top. :) Seriously, who needs that negative shit in their life? Namaste.

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